Learning from criticism, dealing with haters, and being blocked on Twitter
Recently, a tweet came across my screen. It asked:
…how do you deal with Haters?
(Well, it was something like that, because, well, the individual who posted that tweet later deleted it before I could grab a copy of it.)
Anyways, I responded with:
.@<redacted> How do you deal with haters? Try learning from them, and becoming better as a result. You were thinking something else?
Well, one thing lead to another, and after being called “clueless”, I was blocked. I was clueless for saying that you should learn from criticism. Not just ignore it.
Now, possibly I might be wrong; after all, if someone is attacking you for absolutely no reason, engaging them isn’t going to be helpful. You probably can’t learn anything insightful from a mugger who calls you a bitch; I’m pretty sure the mugger deserved whatever attitude you were dishing out. But, if people are actually criticizing you, and unlike the mugger, there’s no clear indication that they’re profiting from the criticism, dismissing it out-of-hand is pretty stupid.
There’s an old adage that for every one person who complains, many, many more WOULD complain. So, when someone tells me that I’m clueless when I suggest that they listen and learn from criticism, I’m left scratching my head. Especially, when a few minutes after they call me clueless and block me on twitter, I see them tweet this:
When everyone agrees, innovation stops.
Now, at no time was I rude, nasty, mean or anything else that would cause this person to have a reason to block me.
Figure out why people are criticizing you and learn from it. Criticism may hurt, but, if someone is taking the time to point out a flaw in how you’re conducting your own business, you should take time to try to figure out if the criticism is valid, and how you can improve.
Let me suggest a few ways to evaluate criticism, and hopefully learn from it:
- Figure out if the criticism is valid. If you’re hearing the same thing from multiple people, it’s probably true.
- Determine what the reason for the criticism is.
- If the criticism is valid, and the reason is something you can fix, consider fixing it. For example: If you’re being attacked because you’re lying about your background, consider coming clean. If someone is offering you an award you don’t deserve, consider refusing it. Integrity is more important that trophies.
- Apologize. If you’ve been a douche-bag, and suddenly realize that the months you spent gloating about something that really was undeserved, was wrong, consider posting publicly that you realize you were wrong. People will respect you. I’ll respect you.
- Don’t do it again.
Ignoring criticism that’s valid will just cause more and more people to be upset with you. Eventually, even your admirers will get sick and tired of the BS and leave. But, what’s valid? If someone criticizes my ability to play the fiddle, it’s a valid criticism. But, it really doesn’t matter. They’d be 100% right; I can’t play the fiddle! But, if someone criticizes my ability to create a good website, I need to listen. Why are they saying that? Am I missing something important? Can I learn from any of it? I may even need to talk to my criticizer; ask them why they believe I can’t make a website. Ask questions. Don’t just ignore it. It won’t just “go away”.
Now, I know a LOT of people who will be reading this are religious; in fact, the person who blocked me is very religious too. I personally am not particularly religious; but, I was brought up Jewish. I found this quote to be especially poignant:
If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept criticism, you will be honored. Proverbs 13:18 (NLT)
The reality is that 5500 years ago, whoever it was who wrote the Torah (the bible was written much later), realized, even back then, that criticism is something that can be used to learn from.
I couldn’t be successful in what I do if I didn’t listen to criticism. Honestly, I suspect that really successful people need to listen to criticism (if they don’t, they just will never be successful).
After all.. When everyone agrees, innovation stops.
just following up from my twitter comments…
you make a number of great points here, david, but sadly, it’s coming from a place of argument. us v. them. right v. wrong. i’ve been a relatively silent observer of the recent, so-called “truth movement” in the photography industry and find myself disappointed – even disgusted – with many of the players in this game.
first, there’s big difference between ‘criticism’ and ‘hate’ – sadly much of the recent chatter has been just vile personal attacks.
i’m all for feedback. criticism can be productive when there’s an open dialogue between parties. want to know a great way to ruin any chance at an honest, civil conversation? start by offering your criticism out in the open – with a pack of taunting onlookers foaming at the mouth – with only a 140 characters to make your point. stir in half a dozen fake usernames – some foul-mouthed wannabe comedians – and add a heaping helping of religion – and you’ve got a circus, not a discussion.
and let’s get a grip. honestly. this call for truth at any cost, like we’re arming for a revolution, is frankly, silly, and reeks of the smug self-importance that so many claim to disdain.
we’re photographers for pete’s sake – we’re not storming the friggin’ bastille.
am i put off by people being disingenuous and bringing down the level of craftsmanship and artistry in our industry? definitely. do i believe that people need a forum where they feel safe to voice their opinion about workshops and tools of our trade without fear of being ostracized? absolutely. do i believe that david jay = dane sanders = stephen knuth = jasmine star = becker = scarlett whatshername? no. those are all individuals with a wide range of experience and opinion, and the mob mentality unleashed on those folks was in large part unfair, unfocused, unproductive, and in lots of cases, completely untrue. i don’t know most of those folks personally, and won’t defend their behavior or reactions, but what did the instigators expect? if you poke a stick in someone’s eye, they’re not likely to respond with fluffy-bunny-kisses.
so where does that leave us? how about we go out and make some pretty pictures? how about if we have a problem with someone, we address it directly with that individual, like an adult, like a human being, and not like a gladiator in a colosseum? is that such a shocking concept?
**disclaimer. this entire post was sponsored by nyquil.**
g’night.
I agree with you in part. But, in my case I was polite and answered a question asked by another Photographer directly. DJ was the one who made it personal, attacking me and another photographer, and ultimately blocking me. For disagreeing with his opinion. That’s it.
But, it’s a good lesson for others to learn. Learn from your criticism; don’t just ignore it.
i should add that my comments are in reference to this whole ordeal – and not specifically your blog post or interaction with david jay. i didn’t follow that, and don’t know either of you, so i’ll let you two duke it out
Great post.
I heard one woman say (she was quite famous & had a nat’l radio program) that she looked at every criticism she received from listeners to see if there was some element of truth- even if the criticism was really harsh and mean. She said she usually found something that she needed to work on. What a humble attitude to take. I’ve always remembered that…
Of course, take it in moderation- don’t allow yourself to be beat down, but obviously something in you sparked the criticism in the first place.
Great Post! If you aren’t able to look yourself in the mirror and understand your shortcomings, then you will have problems because you won’t have the ability to be honest with yourself, much less other people.